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the contemplation of a looming loss

photo by jordan i stopped thinking that 2020 was going to get any easier, any better, any more reliable, or any more hopeful around when ... may? 2 months into semi quarantine, no end in sight. wrapping up a semester from hell where mid stream we moved online and no one was ready or prepared and the workload was easily 10x what it was in face to face teaching. kid also stuck at home. not really distance learning, but instead distance time killing. screens used as babysitter, semi-teacher, waster of time, research device and holder of remembrance to a time when you could leave the house without a mask. maybe it really gelled right around the time i wrote that first post on loss . i wanted to find a way to be stoic, to be as zen as possible. to be open to the idea that emotional labor and instability were going to be the swan songs of the year and that somehow i would be able to write my way out [yes that is a hamilton reference], or at least handle it all with a little bit of grace.  st

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