12 September 2004

small details

I have been thinking a lot about my childhood.... all of these tiny details like riding in my grandfather's blue Celica with the red sticker (the kind that was generated by a hand crank machine with a big dial that had the alphabet) that said "fasten your seatbelt", or wearing the new ESPRIT (light blue shirt style) dress that my grandma bought for me to school and feeling stylish and girlie.


It is really remarkable what gets imprinted into your brain - it seems like there is more room for these small and sublte details in those earlier memories than in newer ones. or at least the minutia seem bigger on recall (is this because the world was actually bigger??). The thing that makes me marvel at the brain is how once you give in (or give up trying to control it) these little dots connect and flow and memories of all shapes and sizes begin to pool and imagery flashes behind your eyes.


I have also been semi-consumed with how all these incidents - many of them very insignificant in the scheme of the universe (OK everything seems small in the scheme of the universe, but....) really shape your fundamental personality and future choices/loves/comforts/hates. It is this collective of donuts, ice cream cone treat car surprises, plays, bites stolen out of salmi, brunches at Henry's, filling in of bee holes, swimming pools, riding in cars, playing catch in the living room, vacations (infinity) that informs who you are - moreover, it is the people that brought these to you, shared them with you, laughed with you, fought with you, hugged you, and tied you in knots that burn/finalize/seal these memories and show you that you are loved (and love fiercely back)


I know these are not new concepts and have most definitely been more eloquently expressed by countless and numerous others.... but it's what I've been thinking about.... and so it ends up here.

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