17 October 2004
On Wed. in class we discussed the work of Agnes Martin (above). After all this time I still sort of see her as some kind of mentor. I am having my students read a few selections from her "writings". Re-reading them for the umpteenth time I am still struck at how she so deftly and calmly surmises the artist experience. She talks about perfection and inspriation and the solitary life in ways that just seem to hum in my brain - they just feel right. I think that it is virtually impossible to explain why or how we (artists) make and do what we do to non-artmaking folk - but somehow I think Ms. Martin does this. I am grateful.
I am also tired. I think I am beginning to understand what bone tired means (because I feel as though a few of my vertebrae are creeking from extended bouts of hunching over). On one hand the fury and fever of production in my studio is exciting (almost every inch of my big wall is covered!)... on the other... the fear and doubt (also aptly explained by A.M.) are rearing their twin ugly heads - to be expected, but nervewracking none the less. Of course my brain knows that it is unhealthy to place such high expectations/desires on a single show (EMERGE) - but my heart has its own game to play. what if what I am making really does just plainly and simply suck? and who's to judge this fact? me? my peers? the jurors? will anyone even care - or notice - or be inspired? yes self-doubt and pity have settled in for a tour of duty. I am only hoping that Ms. Martin is right and I am making the work that I should be - need to be - because I am a bit too sleep deprived to be able to judge for myself (although I did stitch a couple of geese and a deer that I am quite fond of).
Tomorrow I pick up an army of tanks. Literally - over 1000. My felt friends in pink, hot pink and brown have been manufactured and are ready!! I am so excited and nervous. My genius studio mate Chris assited me in determining the best possible way to install them and has promised a template and perhaps even his first hand assistance (I can dream, hope and bribe) to aide in the configuration. If I can pull this off - and if it looks like how I've imagined it - I will be very very pleased!
note to self: come November - rest - make time for friends and PEDICURE!