02 May 2005

kind of blue


Tonka Originally uploaded by dressform.

what to do when that wave of sadness hits? do you stand feet planted as they sink and the sand swirls?

i'm not sure what i'm about to do.... but it will have to be something because it's not in my nature to stand still, stagnate and perpetuate a bad spell....what brings this on, you ask? well... tonka the beloved (pictured above for those of you who don't know my pets)is having some back trouble. he woke up screaming - and let me tell you his scream is quite similar to a child's - in pain. he's on steroids now, and they've really helped. but he'll need a whole x-ray work up and potentially surgery. ugh. meanwhile, thank goodness he's mellow - we have to pick him up to carry him up and down stairs and he's not supposed to get too excited. i just look at him and feel bad - the biscuit doesn't deserve this!

i'm also going thru some serious studio withdrawal. i'm trying to stay optimistic - big picture are you out there? i'm really trying to get these proposals out... out out into the world! before i start working again.... but of course all i want to do is make (although frankly at this point i'm not sure if much would work) - ah yes the grass IS always greener....

i'm also a little sad for a few of my students. let's just say that they don't see the ramifications of continually missing classes, or coming unprepared. they really really want the easy way out - the path to the "good grade" (and it glows oh so bright for them). when i ask them what they want to do they simply turn and ask what i want to see.... when i counter it's not what i want to see - it's what you want to make and learn they reply but you are grading me. i would rather see you fail miserably but learn trying than succeed in an empty and hollow and non-meaningful way.... statement to be said next crit - for sure!

i also went to the Mills MFA show and just got a case of the heebies - not for any real specific reasons - but i did... a little bit of memory lane (the bad parts) crossed with a bunch of hyper anxious neurotic artists (i can say this because i'm one) and i felt like i was in one of those bad art dreams where everyone is just looking to see who walks in the room next and it's not about the stuff on the walls, but about ego and fear and yikcy yuck. there are some bright art moments in the show though! so don't let my emotional train wreck keep you from going....

so all the above mixed with some good old fashioned pms... and ta da. i'd like to just get off the train for a minute.... is that allowed?

1 comment:

wendy said...

I am really sorry about tonka! I had been dark and blue for about a year. Just lots of different things being thrown at me and you just knuckle down and keep plowing on. At the end of it all I created my website, and I have a bunch of dark painting floating in my brain waiting to come out. I hope that everything with tonka goes well.
You should give yourself a prize, (something really good) something that takes the sting away from sending out the proposals. Good Luck.