contemplative

minipoppy Originally uploaded by dressform.

is my new desired state of being...(calm and thoughtful or inclined to be this way). like the mini icelandic poppy above ( tania for you!) so small and so so lovely - eager to soak up the sunshine (which is also sorely lacking - although i think our fog may finally be wearing off for today).

how to achieve this contemplativeness is the rub. this weekend i have felt the utter lack of motivation land on my head like one of those cartoon pianos falling from the sky. i look around my house that needs to be cleaned and i can't quite get motivated to do it.... i feel practically lucky to have gotten out of bed and into clothing other than pajamas.

i am in a mode of comparing.... where i am in terms of the next guy? am i doing too much? not enough? not planning wisely? wasting time? am i wrong/right/boring/too ironic/silly/not funny enough or just plain dumb? and i HATE that - it is icky and unhelpful.... but it sneaks its way in anyway (how is it that XXX is getting that show when XXX is one of the most lazy, transparent and not so nice artists/people that i know???)

it is time to build a contemplative state - where you acknowledge all the crap, but can move past it (and hopefully learn from it).... where you practice what you preach, where you are OK even if you aren't perfect because we should leave it to the poppies to be perfect, where you focus on what you make so that it can exist honestly in the world, where you find beauty, love and trust your friends and family, where you can laugh at yourself, where you LOOK - find those small (even microscopic) moments - the inspiration, where you can only hope to touch or inspire ONE other person (and revel in that when it happens).... mostly don't despair when you can't manifest this state constantly.... (beware of the doldrums ocean).... is this sounding too much like a mantra? i apologize, i think i might need that today....