19 May 2007

good morning heartache

i thought we said goodbye last night - but here you are with the dawn....

goodbye my sweet

oh matty-tilda. my sweet gray kitty. i didn't think it possible for something to worm it's way so deeply into my heart in such a short time.

my head flutters with what if's. what if we didn't let you out [but to deny you the grass and the garden and playing with fluffy jones seems so wrong], what if you had just stayed closer to home, what if the car came 10 seconds later.... and what if we never found you [thank you to whoever put her on the side of the road].

last night D said he dreamed of you :: oh looks there's matilda :: i can only pray that's your way of telling us you are ok. yesterday when i had the vision of you and my grandpa i didn't want to think it was true. but you can only fight what you know {the truth} for so long.

oh gray kitty i will miss you sleeping under my chin :: your joy at my waking up in the morning :: your rubbing into garbo :: your rubbing into the carpet with glee :: your chasing bottlecaps around the house :: so many things i can't possibly list. you were a rare gem my sweet.

you were {and are} my little shadow. i'm so glad that i told you everyday how much i loved you [oddly enough i had a very specific ritual with you to do this]. i had hoped you would be here for my 40th birthday... i can only hope that you are romping with kitty, moe, jake, satchell, pachuco.... i know i will see you in my dreams. i am so grateful that you came into my life. even if it was ever so brief.

friends... i can't imagine posting or reading or doing much of anything on the internet for a while and i didn't want you to think i had disappeared. many of you have become so important to me and so i felt you should know. be well. hug and pet those you love.

79 comments:

meg said...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

amanda said...

Oh, lots of love and warmth and hugs to you, Lisa. Cry, cry, cry and miss your sweet little one. Take all the time you need. xoxoxo

eshu said...

ugh

big hugs!

Melissa said...

My heart aches for you, Lisa - I just lost my own Beaux about a month ago. Love and lots of comfort to you...

Sarah said...

It's a hard, hard thing to lose the creatures in our lives. I'm sure it will be said over and over, but I'm so very sorry.

wendy said...

no words...just hugs.

sally said...

Big hugs to you dear friend. Thinking of you...

vegasandvenice said...

Oh my sweetest girl. I am so sorry. You have always been in my heart and my thoughts and you will continue to be so while you are away. In the meantime I will share a few tears with you as you think of your tiny loved one.

I felt in some weird way that Miss Matilda was a part of our family too. There was so much resemblance and the name Matilda has always held a special place in my heart because of your sweet girl.

I send you all my love and if you need anything please just let me know. A million hugs.

Kathleen said...

Our pets are such blessings. I know Matilda was very lucky to have you for the time she did. I'm so very sorry Lisa. My thoughts are with you.

Briana said...

Oh honey... my heart aches for all of you. Love you dearly, girl.

Liz said...

we had a sweet little kitty friend leave us about 6 months ago, and we still have sad days... I so feel for you, it's so hard...

Caterine said...

un gros calin (a big hug)
xo and hugs and xo and hugs and xo and ...

deerseason87 said...

Seymour and I send our love!!

chocolate covered musings said...

i think cats are angels in disguise. so sorry to read that you lost yours. my heart goes out to you

Belinda said...

I send you and yours much love...I too lost my sweet guy almost a year ago and it's a hard place to be in.

Take all the time you need and know that our thoughts are with ya, hun!

nikkishell said...

So sorry to hear about your sweet little kitty. Big Hugs!

Nicole said...

Oh Lisa, I couldn't imagine this. Big hugs.

alyssa said...

So sorry, thinking of you.

julie said...

so sorry Lisa...HUGS and Kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx take care..

cruststation said...

Thinking of you lisa, it must be so hard...*hugs*

Abigail said...

Oh Lisa...my heart goes out to you and D. Poor beautiful Matilda...

thinking of you...sending hugs, xox

Kristy said...

Losing our pets is so hard.Take your time xxx

amisha said...

sending you all my love dear lisa. i am so, so sorry. xoxoxo

bugheart said...

oh god
OH NO!
i am crying
that's so
horrible!!!
if it weren't
6 am there
i'd call...
i feel
so bad
for not
knowing...
not calling...
xoxoxox

gracia said...

Oh, Lisa, I am so, so sorry to read this and so very sorry for you and your little family. Take time in the quiet, sending love & hugs to you all, g xoxo

gracia said...

(I'm so sad for you, Lisa. It's so hard to say good-bye to our loved ones. I only hope that a cat I found once on the road who had been hit by several cars and later passed away wrapped up in my jumper, on the side of the road, was found by his or her loving owners too. I still think about it.)

xoxo

jen j-m said...

i feel so sad for you and for your sweet kitty. i'm sorry.
xoxo

shari said...

such a sweet sweet tribute. oh lisa...wish i could come over and sit with you. big hugs. xoxoxo

louise said...

Dearest Lisa,
I'm so, so sorry. Matilda sounded like the sweetest of little grey angels. Take care and much love. xoxo Louise

tara said...

I'm so sorry. Lots of kitty hugs,
Tara

jen said...

so sorry, lisa. you bring so many kind words and comfort to others, i wish i could say something to make everything feel better. sending hugs!

Veronica TM said...

i am sending you hugs, lisa, as tears roll down my face.

Wendy said...

Sorry to hear of your loss Lisa. Our hearts go out to you and your family.

Wendy.

Dutch Girl said...

The passing of a friend, be it human or pet, is never easy, and it is so hard to cope especially when taken too soon.

I'm thinking of you and hope that the flowers bring a little cheer into a house that needs all the cheer it can get right now.

Much love...

xtina said...

At this moment J is with Bast at the vet after her tussle with a raccoon last night. My thoughts are very much with you as it seems to be a bad week for grey kitties! There's a tear in my eye and love in my heart for all of you! xo

kelly said...

Oh god, I'm so so sorry. My heart bubbles over and I wish I could wrap you up in blankets. A little cocoon. I truly know, believe, each little one has a soul. I feel it when I'm cuddling my cat or letting the rabbits bound around the yard. Pure, brilliant little souls.
<3
kelly

trudesign said...

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear that news. You are in my thoughts.

stephanie said...

just seeing this...i am so sorry. hugs.

tracy said...

oh lisa i am so very sorry. hugs and thought to you xo

laura r. said...

dear lisa,
i am so sorry.
it is such a loss.
lots of love your way.
laura r.

Claire said...

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.xoxo

mati said...

i'm so sorry sweetie. big gigantic hugs your way!

eireann said...

oh, so, so sorry to hear this, lisa. big hugs. take care.

Anke said...

Dearest Lisa, I'm so so sorry. I wish I could make you feel better. I know I can't. But I'm sending you hugs and kisses. Thinking of you...

Sonya said...

The what-ifs, I am so sorry. The entrances and just as sudden exits weigh on your heart.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lisa,

I'm so sad... My Mousse looks very much like your Mathilda, he's 9 years old already, but I can't imagine life without him. I already have to cope with the fact that his doggy-brother is fading away because of a genetic illness. Your sad news left me devastated...Although I'm sure she's in a very nice place now.

a very warm hug from Spain,
Isabel

Alison said...

I am so sad and upset I didn't know till now - and my heart goes out to you dear sweet Lisa.
Find her and call to her in the shadows.

pat said...

keep the candles burning for her for as long as you feel the need to! the heartache will lessen with time to memories that leave you smiling and warm inside.....

hannah said...

hugs lisa! i hope you find some comfort soon.

dandelion said...

this is one of the hardest things in the world - be well...x

Camilla said...

Thinking of you, and hoping that your miss matilda will get to spend time with my mister Bernard who was run over by a train three years ago, and who I still miss like crazy.
xx

Vanessa V said...

That was a very sad but beautiful blog post. your words to your beloved...Oh, my heart strings were touched. So sorry for your loss. Lots of love to you......I am sure, she is in a very wonderful place...I am just sure of it. xxo

camilla engman said...

just a hug...

amy k. said...

I am so sorry. when my cat died at a young age-too young, I creied and couldn't go to work for 3 days and could keep it together for a lot long-

not to make this about "me" but I understand-take your time and take care.
xoxo

Emily/ Five Flowers said...

Gosh, I am so sorry for your loss. Pets are really companions, and are special gifts. hugs!

Sofia Barao said...

Lisa, Just discovered your blog and I started by crying, because I know exactly what you are feeling...my beloved and beautiful grey cat left us in february and live as been a little bit empty since...I also miss him so much, everytime I typed on the keyboard he was here...just to tell me how much he loved me and just like you I'm happy to know that every single day of his short life I told him how much he was special to me.
A good friend sent me this, hope it will help you :

Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

mav said...

oh i am so very sorry. i was just thinking about how much i miss raven today. they are still with us. hugs & love to you, maria

Kleja said...

Lisa, pets really are so special and important - gets lots of hugs.

Liesl said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! Will be thinking of you.

UNIFORM Studio said...

oh -I am so sorry Lisa. Losing your pet is so hard. Know that I'm thinking of you.

poppy said...

oh no. my. so sorry, i've been away here, and oh no.

amydawnrose said...

hi lisa- i haven't stopped by your blog in a couple of days, and was heartbroken to read your most recent post. my thoughts are with you.

shiso mama said...

my deepest sympathies. i'm sending you yet another hug.

Listoria said...

My heart goes out to you. Even now, sitting at work, I'm blinking away tears thinking about your loss. It's such a terribly hard thing to have to go through. Just remember that if you need anything, you can call on us...your little community of bloggy friends.

♥ Tiff*

Joy Madison said...

I'm so sorry!

Shell said...

Oh, that is terrible news. I send my condolences to you. Blessings to you and your kitty, wherever she may be.

cindy said...

so sorry lisa. it's heartbreaking to lose a pet.

andrea said...

oh lisa. I am so sorry. sending *love* your way.

erin scissorhands said...

oh no :(

this is terrible, i'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

take all the time you need. eat ice cream and read magazines. listen to loud music and lay under a tree. these things usually help me a little bit.

maybe you could make a little shrine to help with the grieving, too.

xo

Maditi said...

big hugs to you!!!

shash said...

oh lisa, i'm sorry. it's been a while since i've been visiting blogs and i was so sad to find this on yours. sending hugs.

blair said...

oh Lisa, I'm so sorry. This is so hard. Be at peace Matilda, you are loved so. a big hug to you.

ana said...

Lisa, I don't know you. We've never met but I sit here crying tears of sympathy at your loss. I am so sorry that it took a tragedy for me to finally communicate with you. I am thinking of you and hoping that one day the empty space in your heart won't ache quite so much. Matilda was lucky to have such a devoted companion.

jerusha said...

aww lisa... your little matilda was a very sweet girl (i love that she slept curled under your chin)...

and i am so sorry - you have lost too many kitties lately.

lots of hugs :)

momo said...

i'm so sorry for your lost...pls stay strong...

natalie said...

just catching up and so sorry to read this...

Hugs to you sweet Lisa

n x

Janet said...

Just catching up too. Such sad news, so so sorry, hope you are okay and a big hug being sent your way xx

cally said...

i am late reading your heartbreak, dear sweet Lisa. my heart goes out to you, truly truly. take all the time you need. your post is so beautiful.

it is 2 yrs since bhu was taken by a car but i feel it all fresh now. the same wonderings we had, but ultimately knowing that he had such pleasure from his freedom.

i'm glad you had each other, even for so short a time, such love.


warm thoughts to you in this sad time. love xox

Tips Of All Sorts said...

Hi Lisa, hope I'm not too late to tell you that my thots are with you even though we've never met before and I understand the loss and the grief because I've been there too and still learning to cope.

Take care.

Clara