a big rain [change] is gonna come
There is something about this time of year…. The dates all seem to mean or commemorate something. A day in the woods where I exchanged vows with the one I love [in my 1950’s cocktail dress], the loss of beloved companions [I still miss you]… the date of my birth … and in the flurry of new classes beginning, classes seeming to gel and come into their own [oh I had forgotten how nice it is to teach a non-required course with seniors. The level of engagement and interest is just so much stronger]… my show approaches quickly. Too quickly. Will I ever learn to just be OK with what is made? To not need 10 things to edit down to 5 – to trust that it will come out in some small way like I had dreamed? [afraid the answer is no, but forward progress continues]
What is it in my nature that forces me into movement? Why do I loathe entropy? When will exhausted be exhausted enough? What exactly am I trying to prove? And who am I trying to prove it to?
With fall in the air, with the change of leaves and the pulling out of coats and tights and blankets I want a little comfort [of the macaroni and cheese variety]. What is this notion of time?
// time [noun]
1. a dimension that enables two identical events occurring at the same point in space to be distinguished, measured by the interval between the events. Symbol t
2. a limited period during which an action, process, or condition exists or takes place
3. a system for measuring intervals of time
4. the minute or hour as indicated by a clock
5. time conceived as a force capable of acting on people and objects
6. a moment or period at which something takes place
7. a moment or period chosen as appropriate for something to be done or to take place
How can you both be such a good friend and such a foe? There is never enough time. There is no way to bargain with you. You are generous to the good memories and forgiving of the bad. I can feel your nudge, your pull, your relentlessness. You don’t like entropy either.
This is when I thank leonard cohen, jimmy scott, nick cave, billie holiday for in those moments when you can belt it out with them at the top of your lungs you are free…. [and more importantly not alone]
I think for the rest of this week I will offer up the rest of my japan polaroids and let images speak more than my typing can [they are better at it than me anyway]