29 January 2011
some observations in no discernible order
[the polaroids really have nothing to do with this post - they are just ones that i took that day when i couldn't stop shooting them]
it's a good thing i'm drinking coffee again. and frankly the smell and the taste and the almost sheer enjoyment of it makes me surprised that i was able to abstain for so long. i sort of want to treat myself to this but it doesn't have stellar reviews.... so i'm waffling.
every morning this past week i have woken up and thought that there was no possible way our amazing weather could continue. and then it does. thank you weather gods for this incredible gift. and even though the fog and the cold returned this morning, i put on my warm socks and 2 sweaters quietly. i will try and remember not to curse you when we get our notorious winter this summer in july.
i cut my bangs the other day since i don't know when i'll be able to get a haircut. [who has time for a haircut?]. i logged onto my bank account and i think i look like the woman in this ad.
the first week of school is always tumultuous. i have to say, though, it feels like we are coming to the crux of a crisis. there are simply too many students for too few classes. at some point continuing to ask for things to be status quo while pulling the financial rug out from under the system is going to make everything collapse. and they are cutting more money in the fall. it simply does not seem fair - for anyone involved. the students, the staff, the faculty.
returning to school is like jumping in a very cold pool. it's shocking. my mind has to readjust to the inquisitiveness - to the setting up of parameters that have to flex and mold as i start to understand the needs and nuances of this particular group of students. to the seriousness and frankly plain old amount of WORK that it takes to run a class. but there's also the anticipation of a good swim. of floating in water and letting it lead you where it may. of opening your eyes under water and being excited by the altered view. the reflection of the sun and knowing that you simply just get to BE IN THE POOL. and once you've been in for 10 minutes it's not icy anymore.
work work work work work work work. i see a lot of work work work work work in my future. sometimes i wonder if this is just the state of being an artist in this society. if it's the state of being a mother in this society. or if perhaps i help to generate these whirlwinds - maybe in a state of denial. or in a state of defiance [how dare you say i can/or can't do XYZ]. or is it a state of i can't say no to many things because i don't think they'll come around again as opportunities [and believe me i have learned to say NO. i am saying no. i say no more and more]. as with all things, i bet the truth lies somewhere in between. but really i should get back to work work work work.
can i just tell you this silly story? in the car... i turn around and make a dumb face at the little when we are headed back home from the post office [where she patiently waited for me by sitting under the glass counter with her best pink bunny friend]
little: mama funny
me: you're funny
little: mama funny !!
me: you're silly
little: mama goofball ! [they have been lovingly and jokingly calling each other goofball and wingnut at daycare]
me: who else is a goofball?
little: garbo ! tonka !
me: papa? ba-chan?
little: yeah !!!!!
little: actually, dada is wingnut.
i almost fell over laughing. the actually came out of her mouth so perfectly... emphasized the way we've been reading it in this book.... yeah. it's pretty great to have her commentary running in my head as i walk around the world. fresh perspective is an understatement.
happy weekend !