finding inspiration
so these are the colors for an installational component i'm making for my show. they relate directly to a series of drawings. i'm making square doilies. they are going to be "key" - to inform you of the meanings of the colors in the drawings....
i wish i could own a whole wall of crochet thread - like what they have in lacis. i'd want to just keep it like an art object...
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been thinking a lot lately about how i feel like the larger conversations going on - at least the ones i've been a part of, and i'm talking political, art, life - feel like they are so retro. like we are back in 1980-something. and i keep finding myself muttering [mostly to myself] really? really? we have to discuss this again in this way? really ?!?! isn't there a better, newer, more interesting way to talk about this now??? maybe part of it is that i'm feeling tapped out. making a body of work for a show is really draining. i'm looking for a "fill -up" in terms of inspiration and instead i'm feeling like i'm being bombarded with things that aren't helping. and feeling like just re-hashing isn't the best use of brain-powers.
i rambled in my sketchbook the other day:
the constant seeking... it stems from where? and what - REALLY- am i hoping to find?
the doubt and the fear creep in and sit alongside a very small kernel of hope.
what should be most nurtured is also so easily pushed aside.
for what?
what fills that empty space?
i keep thinking about ruts. the significance of them. the comfort. the routine.
but then the eventual rebellion.
how many days can you eat yogurt with cashews and apricot jam before you just want something else?
flavor of the month
it seems rarer and rarer that i encounter something that just seems pure intentioned.
that sings.
and then sings to me.
and then through me.
that makes me want to do more.
try more.
is this just growing older?
or am i allowing cynicism to overtake.
or is it something all together different?
and so.
i still seek.
and for that i'm grateful.
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and so here are some things that i find inspiring and "true". a quote from jim jarmusch. a quote from kurt vonnecut. a snippet from ira glass of this american life [from a series on storytelling that i make my students watch a part of semester after semester]. and elizabeth gilbert's ted talk on nuturing creativity. i haven't read [nor do i think i will] eat, pray, love - but her talk. her talk is good. in many ways.
happy spring.
there's a post on poppytalk - latest make believe collection
still time to get $5 worth of jet pens goodies if you are so inclined....
Comments
though i'm not sure my blurb will help you in any way.. i just want to add that I feel you. whatever that it, that morsel of hope - aspiring for a heart that sings instead of mumbles, i'm all for that. tired of wearing a straight face, out-witting anyone at a game we're all bound to lose. its alright. we're already there. here. its perfect. :)
I have to say Gilbert's talk doesn't do much for me except annoy me. Everyone thinks differently. It goes back to why I put down her book after a few pages when the topic of religion comes up. The whole notion to just leave the idea of creativity up to chance and some other entity drives me batty. My belief is that persistence, hard work, and only awareness of yourself and how you work brings success (or failure) in what you do. I think she's on to something but the way she talks about it as an outside element, just seems like a cop out to me. If you succeed, it's because you worked hard to be authentic to yourself and your idea. If you fail, you missed something, and the best thing about failing is, you learn from those mistakes. Hope that makes sense! ;-)
katerina - it's always nice to read/see/know of other artists and their own inner turmoil/struggle...
kathryn - i like your point. and mostly agree. i was more interested in gilbert's thoughts on the fear -
but i have to say - that for me it's not JUST about working hard to get authentic and then success. i agree that failing is good b/c you learn from whatever mistakes - and hopefully can figure out how to re-invent or rectify them. but i do think there is something to be said about the act of making itself - the process of it. for me sometimes when i'm NOT in my head and working hard or working toward the idea is when something magical and really GOOD happens for the work. i don't subscribe to an outside element per se - but i think it's interesting to think about where creative pressure comes from. and i do think there is a larger consciousness in terms of creativity that many artists tap into. and that sometimes it's best just to get out of my own damn way.
my interpretation isn't to just leave everything up to chance but to instead allow for some relief. you are not wholeheartedly a genius or a failure based on one piece of work [or even a series of works]. and if it helps to think about the working coming from an outside source - what is the harm? i think truly successful work does stem from hard work and introspection - but i also still really believe there's often an indescribable other component that comes in. that epiphany - ah-ha - oh my god i'm so glad i've seen this moment... it feels otherworldly in a really good way. :)
i don't think blaming some "other" for bad things or your incapacity or willingness to work through things is good or productive. but i think if thinking that it isn't always your fault -- as in WHY did i let that happen and so now i'm immobile - then - that *might* be helpful. if it helps you see the mistakes/failure as potential to grow then all the better....
rationality? we need more of it ! i think i'm constantly trying to over-analyze and so i'm even more intrigued with the idea of investigating other courses ;)
Get back on this side soon, lady. ;) I will not be in the US (unless for family thing or cataclysmic loss of visa) til March 2013, and then in Boston for a conference. :O
miss you xo
Juggling SO MANY commitments (professional and personal) in one's life is VERY draining of one's energy....especially when one tries to do one's best with each one. Thus, one's creativity can suffer from the physical and emotional fatigue.
Prioritizing, time management, multi-tasking can only carry one so far. Sometimes one has to step back and really re-organize, reduce, and/or ask for help in sharing some of these 'burdens' from one's spouse, other family, and/or a very close friend(s). Mid-career, or mid-life, sometimes means re-evaluating some of these things.
On the other hand, Glass' notions of the need to keep practicing one's craft are wonderfully apt for me. It took me many years of effort to learn how to write the kind of thing that i felt met up with my standards. BE PATIENT with yourself while you continue to develop your already AWESOME talents!!
these quotes are great. the ira glass made me cheer. and the gilbert, i know what she's getting at. it's a combination of showing up for work and also creating a space for imagination and creativity to be impulsive or alive within our structure and routine of showing up to work, right? to keep showing up. i used to tell myself, "stay in the river of creativity, just stay in there swimming."
go you. that's what i have to say. go, you, go. and you will make something even bigger for stopping to question. yes, yes, yes. good things here, friend. very good.
The constant seeking is something I believe keeps me going. It can get annoying and the more tired I am the worse I am at relaxing. Nature is almost always a solution, even just an hour of it.
And about Elizabeth Gilbert. I am a fan of her TED talk and find her pretty likable in general. I'm intrigued by how many seem utterly turned off by her.
You always bring up interesting topics and questions. Thank you. I've been away for too long.
I like the video included here that talks about the work made along the way that "disappoints"... yes, here's to that! From that, from sticking at it, from this comes the good stuff.
Thanks for the reminder to keep plugging along and following that which drives you.
g xo