02 June 2007
i am completely humbled. in awe of your incredible response to my last post. there are no words to properly describe my gratitude. your sympathy, empathy and personal stories were helpful in ways that are hard to express. your continued visits, emails, and check ins with me have meant more than i could possibly say. in moments of darkness it's heartening to feel that there are those that will shine a light... and who care... and more importantly understand.
to be honest i wasn't sure how to come back here. but i am trying to find some comfort in routine. even though lately that seems impossible. i want to be able to share, to continue to look and seek and find beauty. to revel in the community and see what everyone has been up to [so much! i have missed so much!]. plus i have a pact to uphold with someone .
i do want to share one set of thoughts i've had over the last few weeks - mostly because i've been thinking a lot about what we choose to reveal. and how there are so many things that could potentially be in the hearts and minds of those we encounter day to day and how you'd never know [or can only guess. over the last 2 weeks 3 random people who know me - not well - but see me often said they didn't recognize me. of course i didn't tell them why that might be]. unless... unless you just say. and so i say ::
guilt and grief are like siamese twins. conjoined and interdependant but with their individual devious minds. seeping into one another the lines become blurry. blurry with tears. heartache is aptly named - muscles scarcely used so noticeable [how we take heart beats for granted] - wrack your chest, constrict your throat, control spasms and waves. waiting for the day when there are only fond memories and when simple, normal tasks will ultimately again be SIMPLE and NORMAL.
i haven't taken any photos these last 2 weeks. i couldn't really "see". but yesterday i had to walk home from taking the car to the garage and i finally shot something. the results are what you see here.
i'm off to a wedding this afternoon. it's going to be on a ranch in napa. should be pretty.
and if you are in florida near miami and want to see some felt tanks to to the show i'm in at the art center . i guess at the opening 15 tanks got stollen [to the great embarassment of the curator. i tried to tell her not to worry!]. for some reason i thought that was so funny. esp. since they are only $2.50. you could have one legitimately for the price of a cup of coffee and yet.... bad art karma for the theives i think.
have a good weekend.