baby steps
i am completely humbled. in awe of your incredible response to my last post. there are no words to properly describe my gratitude. your sympathy, empathy and personal stories were helpful in ways that are hard to express. your continued visits, emails, and check ins with me have meant more than i could possibly say. in moments of darkness it's heartening to feel that there are those that will shine a light... and who care... and more importantly understand.
to be honest i wasn't sure how to come back here. but i am trying to find some comfort in routine. even though lately that seems impossible. i want to be able to share, to continue to look and seek and find beauty. to revel in the community and see what everyone has been up to [so much! i have missed so much!]. plus i have a pact to uphold with someone .
i do want to share one set of thoughts i've had over the last few weeks - mostly because i've been thinking a lot about what we choose to reveal. and how there are so many things that could potentially be in the hearts and minds of those we encounter day to day and how you'd never know [or can only guess. over the last 2 weeks 3 random people who know me - not well - but see me often said they didn't recognize me. of course i didn't tell them why that might be]. unless... unless you just say. and so i say ::
guilt and grief are like siamese twins. conjoined and interdependant but with their individual devious minds. seeping into one another the lines become blurry. blurry with tears. heartache is aptly named - muscles scarcely used so noticeable [how we take heart beats for granted] - wrack your chest, constrict your throat, control spasms and waves. waiting for the day when there are only fond memories and when simple, normal tasks will ultimately again be SIMPLE and NORMAL.
i haven't taken any photos these last 2 weeks. i couldn't really "see". but yesterday i had to walk home from taking the car to the garage and i finally shot something. the results are what you see here.
i'm off to a wedding this afternoon. it's going to be on a ranch in napa. should be pretty.
and if you are in florida near miami and want to see some felt tanks to to the show i'm in at the art center . i guess at the opening 15 tanks got stollen [to the great embarassment of the curator. i tried to tell her not to worry!]. for some reason i thought that was so funny. esp. since they are only $2.50. you could have one legitimately for the price of a cup of coffee and yet.... bad art karma for the theives i think.
have a good weekend.
Comments
A slow and shaky awakening from a time of guilt and grief is a big thing to embark on....so glad you are feeling creative and beginning to 'see' again...I missed seeing the world through your eyes.
Take good care sweetie, xox
i have been thinking about you and missing you often. i am glad to see you are taking small steps back. just go at your own pace. sending hugs,
jen
just so
right on.
thinking
of you often
and so
glad
you are
peeking out.
you know
i am here
whenever...
always.
xo
i just got around to putting something in the mail to you yesterday.
i'm glad you took needed time, your reflections ring very true... on a somber note.
xoxo
and those tank stealers will indeed receive bad karma!!!!
and heartache...such melancholy...I hope your days towards simple and normal are dwindling.
I love the way you paired your beautiful pics - and I really like those felt tanks :))
I am so glad you're here, and back. xx
xoxo and a big hug, lj
i've been checking your blog a lot lately to see how you've been...i knew it would take time for you to come back, though. everything you say is amazing and so truthful.
First of all thank you so much for my parcel. Everyone loved it.
More importantly,
I have some words about your post. You see, the first time I let love, I got very very hurt. The pain was huge.
Many years later, my aunt took her own life. The pain was the same as that first break-up. And I learned, it was the pain of loss.
Loss is such an unusual pain. Empty and thick. Deep and raw.
Baby steps are good. And one day, it will be "life back to normal," but the beautiful memories will remain...
Thank you so very, very much for sending such delights to us... we're well and truly bowled over by your kindness. Photos to come, my friend... photos to come.
Welcome back!
take care, g xo
Beautiful post, your words, thoughts, sentiments all ring true for me also. I am always moved by how well you express yourself, it never fails to make a deep impression on me. And always makes me think.
I'm comforted to know that you give yourself the breathing space you need to deal with the changing clouds of emotion that weigh heavy around you just now.
Your photo's say so much about where you are at just now, they are classically you, but have a stillness to them that feels a bit different.
Your tank piles look fab, I can understand people would want them, but to steal them when you made them SO incredibly affordable. Mean people. I hope they step in dog poo and don't realise until they've already walked round their house and bits have fallen off everywhere.
Sending you lots of love, keep taking the time you need, we will all be here.
I hope you are doing better and am thinking lots about you..