16 September 2009

overdrive

Monica Canilao

my brain is at this very moment on overdrive. i just all of a sudden realized how much i really have to do in how little time. seriously - i think if i make a to-do list i might not be able to sleep tonight between worrying about it and waiting for the little to wake up [teething part 2. in all fairness the sequel is mellower than part 1, but i'm waiting for the surprise ending].

then again - i have been getting what i need to done. sometimes just barely in time, but it still counts if you are squeaking under that wire, right? as long as no one looses any limbs or an eye or something?

yesterday i gave a lecture with the above artist monica canilao . we actually drove up to sonoma state together. this could have been a bit scary considering we'd never met. but we had plenty in common. on the surface : gardening, eating, making art. and then after we both spoke and i got to see more of her work... i was sort of fascinated with how synergistic we were in rather odd ways. sure - we both like doily imagery and found papers - but my work tends to be sparse - hers bursts and busts from the seams. and yet.... besides literal thread there were many threads that connected us. it's always nice to find kindred art spirits. we even got to joke about how people come up to us in airports and start speaking languages we don't know. i don't get to have that conversation with everyone. and she was nice to boot.

it was the first time i spent 5 hours COMPLETELY away from little cc [i'd done up to 4, but not over]. she was with my mom and so i knew she was TOTALLY FINE the whole time. but it really was such an odd feeling. i felt liberated and happy to be doing "adult" things and yet all the while aching and missing her. she squealed when she saw me when i came home and you better believe that my heart melted and a tear almost fell from my eye.

tomorrow we do a trial "full" day at day care - the schedule we'll be keeping when i go back to work next thurs. i'm sure i'll feel equally psycho tomorrow. on the one hand i really need to tackle the 101 things that MUST GET DONE. on the other hand i think i'd rather just tickle cc and make her laugh.

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did you see amy's video on lazy envelope making?

or
500 pencils ? handmade colored pencils. i'm drooling here. kind of really want these [and sorry can't remember where this link came from... it did come from somewhere].

17 comments:

abby jane said...

sometimes i don't think i know how to do things without the pressure. good luck, remember to breathe!

i'm adding the 500 pencils to my list too. . .

gracia said...

Sending a few calm waves your way... that feeling of so very much to do that it is not humanly possible is somewhat akin to a nightmarish state. All the best with all the many, many, many things you need to do.

Anonymous said...

Since parenthood and artmaking are each both demanding and fulfilling in its own right, it is little wonder you go into 'overdrive.' As someone who has been there/done that with relative success in the past please be reassured of two things.

First, it will get easier once you've gotten through the intial few times of leaving cc with others....as long as you have chosen caring and loving others who will look to her needs.

Second, you and cc will actually benefit from your making this transition back to part time work. She will adjust to your coming/going as a normal part of life. You will be more deeply engaged with her when you are together because your other needs will be satisfied.

heather smith jones said...

Giving lectures does sound very grown up but then so does snuggling your little sweet cc. :) You do all good work Lisa. How many days will you be teaching?
And I agree about finding kindred art spirits, it is uplifting to find someone to relate to, someone who "gets" what you're saying.

mari said...

I love Monica's work and I really enjoyed the lazy envelope video. So cute! Reading your posts with even greater interest these days because I'm about to have a baby myself. Trying to get an idea of how other people do it!

risa said...

Izzy is on day 4 of daycare. I totally trust the place but it's definitely hard being away from him and not knowing what he's doing all day. I went back to work full-time because HR was unwilling to be flexible about my schedule (despite my boss advocating for me) and it already feels like too much so I think I'm going to have to quit and look for something else...
Anyway, good luck with getting through the first day! It is rough but does get easier. And there's nothing like seeing your baby's face when you go to pick him/her up!!!
Have you seen this article?
http://www.doublex.com/section/kids-parenting/katie-roiphe-my-newborn-narcotic
And a criticism of it here:
http://kateharding.net/2009/08/25/straw-feminist-weekly-the-baby-hater/
Thank you again for all of your support!

bugheart said...

you are
always
amazing
at getting
things done...
but i know about
the to do list
that's
too scary to write.

it must be
so so strange
to be with the little
24/7 and then
spend time away...
i can only imagine.

good luck
teaching!
xoxo

Jacqui Dodds said...

Thank you for leaving a lovely message on my blog and for getting back in touch. I know how disorientating it can be to juggle babies with everything else but I think you are comimg through it fine. Good luck with the full day at daycare and I look forward to reading more of your blogposts and messages when you have the time xxx

Leililaloo said...

Oh, how this sounds familiar to me! With 2 children (one 4 month old and one 3 year old) and creative activities I am gasping for air almost all the time. Twirling around with my head exploding...

I always wonder how on earth it's possible to still have ideas and inspiration with such a life. But I feel more inspired then ever! In some magical way taking care of a family and working creativly works in favour of creative inspiration. I am thinking maybe it's for the better not to understand this mysterious process.

I love how your work looks calm and peacefull, like a nice summer breeze. It doesn't show at all the overdrive in your head. It's serene and very gorgeous.

sophia said...

totally with you on that liberating feeling. and along with that, how much you find yourself thinking of them when you are away...the bond is quite amazing and wonderful.

good luck with your present and upcoming workload. am confident you will get what you need to get done;)

Esti said...

I can't say anything more or better of what's been said here. Even if I know that my girls are well taken care of (and they're five and seven) I can't help but rushing after work to see them. I could spend some time on my own, shopping, meeting friends... but time and again I decide to go home to them. It's funny how dependant I've become. All in all, it's always good to go back to work and the previous life.

babelfish said...

Beautiful art work, I always love how mixed media artists use varying textures and found papers combining them into a perfect whole. So good to hear you and monica got on so well, kindred spirits in many ways...cc is so sweet, I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be for you to leave her for just a few hours.

Shell said...

I love monica's work - and so do a few other aussie art students - what fun to be working with her! It is funny that you use similar materials but transform them in completely different ways.

I hope the work/life/child emotional balance finds an easy natural rhythm for you soon!

julie said...

oh i missed this post in time to give you some support for that first day... after doing it once i promised it was my last time and now i get daddy to do it.

i LOVE monicas work! wonderful and so nice to bond with someone like that.

hope getting back to work is ok. hugs xxx

Lynsey said...

absolutely beautiful piece of work! so inspirational. thank you!

Katrina said...

good to see your bustling energy and hope you are able to put it all aside and exhale too. so important and wonderful to find kindred art spirits, i find it revitalizing. jen/ sprout studio just called it "little fireflies lighting all around" and i think that's just perfect. xoxo, k.

louise said...

Best of luck with your to do list and with being away from CC. A good friend assured me recently that as long as you make the deadline it doesn't matter how close it was. Even if everything gets done at right up to the last second, in fact that last minute adrenaline can be very productive. A thought I find most reassuring. xo lj