overdrive
my brain is at this very moment on overdrive. i just all of a sudden realized how much i really have to do in how little time. seriously - i think if i make a to-do list i might not be able to sleep tonight between worrying about it and waiting for the little to wake up [teething part 2. in all fairness the sequel is mellower than part 1, but i'm waiting for the surprise ending].
then again - i have been getting what i need to done. sometimes just barely in time, but it still counts if you are squeaking under that wire, right? as long as no one looses any limbs or an eye or something?
yesterday i gave a lecture with the above artist monica canilao . we actually drove up to sonoma state together. this could have been a bit scary considering we'd never met. but we had plenty in common. on the surface : gardening, eating, making art. and then after we both spoke and i got to see more of her work... i was sort of fascinated with how synergistic we were in rather odd ways. sure - we both like doily imagery and found papers - but my work tends to be sparse - hers bursts and busts from the seams. and yet.... besides literal thread there were many threads that connected us. it's always nice to find kindred art spirits. we even got to joke about how people come up to us in airports and start speaking languages we don't know. i don't get to have that conversation with everyone. and she was nice to boot.
it was the first time i spent 5 hours COMPLETELY away from little cc [i'd done up to 4, but not over]. she was with my mom and so i knew she was TOTALLY FINE the whole time. but it really was such an odd feeling. i felt liberated and happy to be doing "adult" things and yet all the while aching and missing her. she squealed when she saw me when i came home and you better believe that my heart melted and a tear almost fell from my eye.
tomorrow we do a trial "full" day at day care - the schedule we'll be keeping when i go back to work next thurs. i'm sure i'll feel equally psycho tomorrow. on the one hand i really need to tackle the 101 things that MUST GET DONE. on the other hand i think i'd rather just tickle cc and make her laugh.
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did you see amy's video on lazy envelope making?
or
500 pencils ? handmade colored pencils. i'm drooling here. kind of really want these [and sorry can't remember where this link came from... it did come from somewhere].
Comments
i'm adding the 500 pencils to my list too. . .
First, it will get easier once you've gotten through the intial few times of leaving cc with others....as long as you have chosen caring and loving others who will look to her needs.
Second, you and cc will actually benefit from your making this transition back to part time work. She will adjust to your coming/going as a normal part of life. You will be more deeply engaged with her when you are together because your other needs will be satisfied.
And I agree about finding kindred art spirits, it is uplifting to find someone to relate to, someone who "gets" what you're saying.
Anyway, good luck with getting through the first day! It is rough but does get easier. And there's nothing like seeing your baby's face when you go to pick him/her up!!!
Have you seen this article?
http://www.doublex.com/section/kids-parenting/katie-roiphe-my-newborn-narcotic
And a criticism of it here:
http://kateharding.net/2009/08/25/straw-feminist-weekly-the-baby-hater/
Thank you again for all of your support!
always
amazing
at getting
things done...
but i know about
the to do list
that's
too scary to write.
it must be
so so strange
to be with the little
24/7 and then
spend time away...
i can only imagine.
good luck
teaching!
xoxo
I always wonder how on earth it's possible to still have ideas and inspiration with such a life. But I feel more inspired then ever! In some magical way taking care of a family and working creativly works in favour of creative inspiration. I am thinking maybe it's for the better not to understand this mysterious process.
I love how your work looks calm and peacefull, like a nice summer breeze. It doesn't show at all the overdrive in your head. It's serene and very gorgeous.
good luck with your present and upcoming workload. am confident you will get what you need to get done;)
I hope the work/life/child emotional balance finds an easy natural rhythm for you soon!
i LOVE monicas work! wonderful and so nice to bond with someone like that.
hope getting back to work is ok. hugs xxx