disbelief

I CAN'T BELIEVE ::

:: it's almost july

:: the little is practically 1 1/2

:: i've been in my backyard studio for over a year [and have yet to show you the inside - sorry]



:: i return to teaching at the end of august

:: i've been good and haven't bought ANY SHOES in over a year

:: we harvested our own potatoes



:: i have to start researching preschools

:: that the little's vocabulary is basically growing by the day [heavy, try, cook, book, draw, car, key, cracker, apple, potato, pepper, juice, baby, shoe, sock, up, down, out, beep beep, cheese, noodle, pop [for toast], ball, block, purple, two, help, ouch, teeth, eyes, nose, ears, bubble, quack, e-i-e-i-o, ro-ro [for dog], mama, dada, papa [grandpa], ba-ba [ba-chan - japanese for grandma], tonka, ga-bo, nu-nu, muno [yo gabba gabba], dirty, trash, bird, byeee/bye bye, hi, spoon, bowl, more, please, hot, paper, pla toh [playdoh], diududududu [music], tall, hat, zo [for zo-san -elephant in japanese], sit, paw, food, tushie, feet, toes, night night, weeeee, row row [row row row your boat], poop, pee, happy....]

:: i can't remember the last time i went swimming




:: that i might get to go on 2 trips out of the country next year

:: that i have a big installation to figure out for november

:: i own my own vinyl cutting machine



:: i have no real desire to own an ipad

:: i've been able to mostly stay away from caffeine for over 2 years

:: that as of this month i've been blogging for SIX YEARS



:: that we once again have a 3 legged cat in our lives [and that i forgot how cute and rambunctious a kitten can be]

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notes on the images :: the beds on doilies are new drawings done on out takes of the print i did for artstream studios [see the print here ]. they are going to the compound gallery to be put in their art in a box subscription service.

the felt "pie" is something i'm working on for that november installation.

and meet lulu - our new kitten. she is incredibly sweet. and has 3 legs - just like chinaski

on my mind [what's left of it]

i didn't mean to not post last week. but it was just one of those weeks - things just didn't seem to click into place and even though i knew it wasn't going to fit i kept trying to put that round peg in the square hole.

sometimes i think that it's when you get relief from something that you really realize how challenging something has been. for example the little has been sleeping through the night for months now and yet i still can't seem to catch up on sleep. it's almost as if my body now that it is getting some decent sleep is letting me know how bad the deficit actually was. and is.

people sometimes ask me what it's like to be an artist and a mom. this was something that i thought about - A LOT - before deciding to have a child. i knew that being a mom would become the most important thing and that i would have to learn how to juggle and struggle in new ways. in all honesty - it wasn't even possible for me to fathom how this would all work - even on my best days of guessing. there is no way to know what temperament your child will have [on a day to day basis let alone overall] - there is no way to know how you will respond to demands of parenthood. i was determined from the get go that i would still make art. and i'm managing to do that, but it feels like it's by the seat of my pants and the skin of my teeth.

this parenting thing is such a wonderful, heart wrenching, impossible, amazing, laughter inducing, tear generating [both the joyous and upset kind] most rewarding and difficult thing i've ever even attempted. and i think about the millions - the billions - of people out there who are parents. about the generations of people who have done this. how in some strange way we are genetically wired to do this. and it just boggles my brain. [what's left of it anyway. it's a known fact that you loose gray matter during pregnancy. you are supposed to get it back, but i think my brain cells are still missing].

my friend eireann sent along this incredible essay by Sara Vap on her son Oskar [and his cars]. it sort of says much of how i feel in a much more eloquent way. it's part essay, part poem, dense and authentic in a way that riveted me. this paragraph in particular really got to me:

What I could try to tell you is that in mothering, I’ve lost the mind that I had before. I’ve lost my solitude, my body, my privacy, my time, my concentration. Mothering, I have lost my seriousness, my access, my connection to, my inclusion. Mothering, I have lost my sleep, my dreams, my mornings, my nights, my money, my job, and my time with other adults and other poets. As a pregnant woman, as a nursing woman, as a mothering woman, I have lost nearly all of the ways and props and yearnings and communities that defined who I previously understood myself to be. What I mean is, I no longer remember or recognize myself, mothering as I am.

and so i think i am re-defining who i am. which is a weird thing to confront at this moment in my life. before the little i have to say i was pretty comfortable with my life, with my decisions, with my "place" in the world. and now that's all shifting and changing in ways i can't really describe. this isn't a good or a bad thing. it's just how it is. sometimes it's lonely. sometimes it's thrilling. sometimes it's tragically funny. and it certainly alters how i look at an interact with the world. it's interesting for me to think about how this is what i expect from the art that i engage with. i want it to change me, my view, my body, my heart somehow and in someway. and so life is art and visa versa [i know i know not a new statement it's just funny how it's so true]

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let's leave on a crafty note, shall we? a friend's wife is due any minute. they have decided not to know the sex of their wee one. so i made a sweater for the babe, and a matching sweater for the big sis [because i think the big kids sometimes get left out of the gift giving when a little one arrives]. hopefully they will fit. [if the big one is too little i guess it's a double baby present!].

the pattern came from lion brand [free as long as you give them your email address - but they don't send out solicitations unless you ask for them].

my first crocheted sweater. i made one for my little too. 3 green sweaters. i'm trying another one for the little in yellow. different pattern. we'll see how it goes.

have a lovely week.

art show... we're all going to the art show

the little is a little obsessed with yo gabba gabba . i can't really blame her - cute characters, catchy songs [just watch party in my tummy ] - much hipper than sesame street. i know i know - she shouldn't even be watching TV - but... well... i'm not even going to try and excuse. i'm just going to admit that after watching the episode "art" like 5 times the song "art show" follows me around all day. i've woken up dreaming this tune [and other yo gabba gabba songs to be frank]. but i digress. i actually went to an art show today.



i knew there was a Louise Bourgeois show at gallery paule anglim . and then the news hit that she died [at 98] a couple of days ago. so i really really had to go.

LB [as she signed all the works in the show] is certainly one of my all time favorite artists [along with agnes martin , eva hesse , ruth asawa and too many others to list, but these ladies are always near the top].

i'd be stupid not to acknowledge her influence in my own work.

the show? not some of my most favorite LB work i've seen. called "mother and child" the show was fully of birthing imagery - lots of red [blood]. lots of multiples [interesting print techniques and embroidered signatures - which i loved] - but not really anything that really sang to me like THIS WORK . but....



this piece i really liked.

and am i glad i went? of course. LB's line quality is always nice to behold. the paring down to the bare minimum of what you need to present a face. to express really raw, powerful, tangible emotions through minimal marks is always inspiring.

plus i kind of walked around saying goodbye. bye new work. we'll only get to visit your legacy now. and for that incredible legacy i'm grateful.

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i broke down and bought myself the digital harinezumi . i just needed to give in and do something nice for myself and have a new toy to play with. so far pretty fun.

it's so nice to have the sun back here. we had a couple of very odd winter storms [in MAY?] which were rather depressing. the weather doesn't usually get to me, but this did. does weather effect you?

happy week.