so long but not farewell

me and papa kiss Originally uploaded by dressform.

i have been absent.... i think that it is time to resume blogging.... i am attempting to go back to the things that i know - to a sense of routine.... and i realize that i do need to share what has happened. because i am captivated when others are honest and telling... and as someone just whispered to me: this community is lovely - i quote "creativity binds people together" (thank you mav)

above is my grandpa. my papa. i had hoped that i would get to squeeze one more visit with him in but miss fate decided not to heed my wish. so it goes (who i am to argue with fate?). he passed away last week and eerily i knew that it had happened. this photo was taken at my wedding 2 years ago. a wedding he almost didn't come to. as he got older and couldn't see or hear so well he retreated into the comfort of his own home. it was a challenge to get him to go to a new restaurant let alone to a cabin 6 hours away by car.

but he came. because i insisted (and my family helped me insist). and i am now eternally grateful that he did.

of course it is better that he is no longer suffering (that we are no longer suffering by proxy).... yes, i have wonderful memories and moments to slip into (more than i could possibly ever write about).... but grief is a tricky bed fellow. it comes and goes as it pleases and can startle you with its intensity. on one hand it really pulls into focus what is important and essential (our vision clouds easily).... on the other i am completely weary in a way i have never felt before.

what i do know is that he affected my life profoundly. that he loved me deeply (and made sure that i knew it). that he was my papa. and that i will miss him.