here comes the sun

a few days ago we put garbo to sleep. cancer had invaded her insides - and garbo being garbo she didn't really show it. until the very end she was the most loving, giving and fantastically loyal dog i've ever known. she kissed my tears as i was hugging her and thanking her and wishing her onto a better place.

this. this is the hardest part about owning pets. knowing that their time with you is limited. and really our time with garbo was actually longer than with almost any other pet we had [almost]. we had what 16 years together? i was looking back and found this post about how she came into our lives.

garbo - my baby. while other pets had pieces of my heart, she really belonged to me. and i to her. i can't even count how many days she spent with me in the studio. how many times she wiggled her whole body in glee when she saw me. how many times she squeezed herself into funny positions to sleep next to me in bed or on the couch. [and how lucky to have her put her head in my lap the other night. as if she knew. she hadn't done that in so so long].

and while she mellowed [considerably] as she aged, she was still such a lover. i think she was our official greeter [although lately she sometimes slept through someone's arrival]. she was also completely and totally trusting of us - and so utterly adaptable as long as we were there. she sat calmly once while my husband stapled her toe together [with a medical stapler - he knows what he's doing] - no anesthesia - no whimpering. she adjusted with each new animal that arrived and left. she lost an eye to a painful and awful disease and didn't once seem even slightly bothered by that. every cat we've ever owned has ended up loving her. rubbing into her and snuggling with her.

and when we brought the little home it was if she knew. she knew she had to be second fiddle to this little human and that was OK with her. she didn't resent it. she didn't act out. she simply loved and trusted the little as much as us. the photos i have of the little leaning up against her and hugging her are something i will always treasure.

and the simple yet incredibly poignant way the little is dealing with this makes me both deeply sad and deeply grateful. mama - where is garbo? [she's gone] she died? [yes she did] her body stopped working? [yes it did] where did she go? [i don't know where people and animals go when they die, but i really hope it's a good place] is she playing with other doggies? [i really really hope so] we miss her. [yes. yes. we do]

oh yes. oh yes. we do.

if you own velvet underground's loaded record, play who loves the sun . we always always said that was her song. and right now the lyrics feel particularly right.

goodbye my sweet. i know we'll get another dog. but there will NEVER ever be another you.